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Joke of the Day

"Destroying the Death Star was a terrorist act. Allah Ackbar!!!!!"

"I think winning the war on drugs is impossible. I struggle just to tie my shoelaces on drugs."

"I wasn't kicking you. I was encouraging you to get the hell out of my way."

"Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals."

"My wife said she's had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up. So I just packed my bags and right."

"What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker ? A bird that talks in morse code !"

"I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."

"What's the best thing to come out of Oklahoma? Southbound 35."

"I saw a blind person skydiving today Man, what a jerk. Scaring his poor dog like that..."

"What do you call a dog with no hind legs and brass balls? Sparky"