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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I feel discouraged, I remember the words of my then-3 yr old after she puked carrots on the floor: ""I'm gonna need more carrots."""

"5 kinds of fear: - panic - terror - 15 missed calls from mom - ""wrong password"" - ""we need to talk"""

"What's the difference between everybody and bullets? Everybody misses Harambe."

"What did Earth say to the other planets? You guys have no life!"

"Knuckle tats: (M)(Y)(P)(A)(R)(E)(N)(T)(S) (W)(E)(R)(E)(R)(E)(L)(A)(T)(E)(D)"

"What did the woodworm say to the chair ? It's been nice gnawing you !"

"Why are there no Walmarts in Syria? Because they're all targets"

"A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"By iPhone 30, you'll have a choice. Whether to buy an iPhone or an island in the Caribbean."

"They cooled a man to absolute zero He is 0K."