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Joke of the Day

"Mahogany was competing with oak and maple in the wood election. Nobody got a majority in the electric collage. However, oak narrowly beat out maple in the poplar vote."

"My gf won't get the remote that's in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she'd be shopping already."

"This guy was all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""

"I'm saving up my money for a sex change operation... ...and I don't care how much my wife protests it. I wanted a boy, dammit."

"What's got two legs and bleed a lot? half-a-dog!"

"It would suck being run over by a limo because it would take twice as long."

"A little boy wrote a letter to Santa stating he wanted a little sister The next day he got a letter from santa saying: Ok send me your mother"

"What's the difference between a slab of meat and someone who hates high school students? One's protein, the other's anti-teen."

"My Grandad woke up with a puzzled look on his face. The daft b*stard had fallen asleep on his jigsaw."

"Asia and his father are playing a board game. Asia's father takes his turn. He looks at Asia and says, ""Europe, Asia."""