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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote? One has a long smeller the other a loud yeller!"

"What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine? a sweater"

"Stop editing your pics. What if you go missing? How do you expect us to find you if you look like beyonce on Facebook."

"ME: please show me the posts in the order that they were made COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this"

"I've always thought that the phrases 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologise' meant the same thing Until I went to a funeral"

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste."

"I turn 39 years old today. But they're Canadian years."

"[old couple feeding ducks in the park] ""Nothing could ruin this Edna"" *I scare all the ducks away, punch the old man and steal their bread"

"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood what I meant by ""I wanna watch"""

"What do women and linoleum have in common? If you lay them just right you can walk on them for years."