135463

Joke of the Day

"What's the height of conceit? Ant crawling up an elephant's leg with lust in its heart"

"Why is Cinderella so bad at football? A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball"

"3yr old had a urine test today so we gave him smarties for peeing in a cup. Now he and his brother are pissing in EVERYTHING for more candy."

"There was a massive fight in the chip shop yesterday! A fish got battered."

"Wife: ""you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?"" Me: ""why?"" W: M: W: ""they're running along side the car"""

"Sorry 2015, but I just got out of a year-long relationship with 2014 and I'm not looking for anything serious right now."

"I don't understand people with anchor tattoos that say, ""I refuse to sink."" It's a damn anchor! It's supposed to sink! What am I missing?"

"My position on marijuana is slumped in a beanbag chair."

"Air resistance Is a jerk"

"a squirrel buries a nut in my backyard. I think im going to dig it up & replace it with a grilled cheese sandwich, blow its freaking mind!"