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Joke of the Day
"What's the difference between your boyfriend and whipped cream? The cream"
Next Joke
"One of the worst things you can possibly do to someone is return their text with a call."
"[Religon] What's black and religous? The jews after hitler godammit how 2 spell religeone?!?!?!?!?"
"*accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*"
"I like long walks on the beach and lying about being married."
"I have been taking notes So if you are missing notes, I probably have them"
"Never kick a porcupine wearing flip flops. Cause they're obviously on vacation and why ruin their holiday?"
"*Breaks glass to steal Mona Lisa* You crazy? Security will hear us Security: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? NOTHING Security: ALRIGHT"
"[The mid 20s catch up] ""What are you drinking, who you seeing?"" [The midlife catchup] ""Who's your therapist, what are you taking for it?"""
"*Rubs lamp* *Nothing happens* Where's the genie? *Takes off lampshade* What's wrong with this thing?"