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Joke of the Day

"if u were a pirate wat woud ur name be? mine woud be Nudebeard bc my beard is nude ""I meant do you have any questions about the White House"""

"[Date] Him: I don't trust myself around you Her(flirtatiously): Oh, stop Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you went to bathroom"

"Unscramble: pnise If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neek up on it. Wanna know how to catch a tame rabbit too? The tame way."

"Casey Anthony is still unemployed...? She should have a pretty good resume though. She had a job as a mother once and killed it!"

"Bad news is I'm not fluent in Starbucks. Good news is I ordered a skinny Latin, and Marc Anthony is a real sweetheart."

"Sometimes I wish I was like my calendar, it always has dates."

"Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights."

"[sees cute girl jog by] ""Imma run up and ask her out"" [one block later still not caught up] ""Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"""

"How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible"