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Joke of the Day

"HER: it's over between us ME: is it because of all my embroidery puns? HER: I thought you would stop ME: sew it seamed"

"In 1752, Benjamin Franklin invented electricity because it was no longer considered humane to execute people using an acoustic chair."

"""If a Groundhog emerges from this hole wearing too much eye shadow, its grounded for 6 weeks for being a whore""--Groundhog dad"

"A hipster walks into a bar... ...and asks the hipster bartender for a beer. Bartender says - we don't serve hipsters... ironically."

"Me: It's been 3 years, but I'm finally making progress on my book. Friend: You're writing a book? Me: No. I meant the book I'm reading."

"I designed a website for orphans. There isn't a homepage."

"Whats better than winning silver at the paralympics? Not being a cripple."

"I often find myself crying during sex... Probably from the pepper spray..."

"I just had sex with Jesus Christ I wasn't prepared for his second coming."

"What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? One says, ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"". The other says ""Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!""."