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Joke of the Day

"Dear people that brush your teeth in the bathroom at work: stop that. You don't live here. Chew gum like the rest of us."

"I had a crazy dream that I weighed absolutely nothing... ...I was like, 0mg!"

"I don't get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There's never any left when he comes home. Idiot."

"can U answer this? If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate ...Do you think: (a) You need more time together, (b) She's a prude, or (c) She should sit somewhere else on the bus?"

"I like how Subway sells ""healthy footlong"" sandwiches, as if anything is healthy when you're eating it by the foot."

"My dog eats too much food and throws it up. EVERYDAY. I swear to God if she keeps this up, she's going to look amazing."

"My girlfriend of 8 years recently told me she used to be a man This actually itsn't a joke I just had to get it off my chest. I'm heartbroken, what should I do?"

"what kinda bees make milk. boobies...."

"Hate when I forget to grab a towel before I shower and have to dry off by doing karate in the mirror for 3 hours"

"RIP boiling water You will be mist. EDIT: AWESOME my gold cherry is gone!"