134647

Joke of the Day

"A man goes to the library... and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

"For as long as that song was, you'd think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once..."

"Less than 3% of the world's mantis population are atheists."

"I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions."

"me: [gets on one knee] GF: [gasps] me: [reaches into pocket] GF: OMG me: [pulls phone out] don't move there's a Pokemon on your foot"

"Little Steve runs to his mom ""Mommy mommy, other boys at school are calling me gay all the time"" Mom: ""Why don't you try calling them names too?"" Steve: ""I can't, they're so beautiful"""

"A taser but for people who say ""it is what it is""."

"The best things in life are free. Who let them out?! I PAID GOOD MONEY TO IMPRISON THEM"

"-What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike? _You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike"

"Where do baby robotic vacuums come from? The Woomba I'll show myself out."