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Joke of the Day

"How to Tie a Noose by Sue E. Side"

"I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation."

"Two fish were in a tank. One says, you man the main cannon, I'll drive."

"An American cop stops a man driving. ""Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?"" ""Umm, no?"" ""Neither do I"" *cop shoots man 6 times"""

"Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, ""Actually sir, we have you on camera."""

"Tourist: What's the speed limit in this hick town? Native: We don't have one. You strangers can't get out of here fast enough for us."

"I'm so deep in the friend zone that she sends me nudes for approval before they go out to other guys."

"I used to do drugs... i still do, but i also used to."

"I just had a breakthrough....!! I should probably pull my finger out and get some stronger toilet paper...."

"What did Santa say when he went to a brothel? Hoe hoe hoe!"