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Joke of the Day

"Two bacteria walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""Get out! We don't serve any bacteria in this bar. The two bacteria say, ""Hey, but we work here. We're staph."""

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"Dear Fox news, I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer."
"Before twitter, celebrities used to sit dead for months and months completely unnoticed."
"What do you call a warm glass of piss in the forest? A Bear trap."
"What's Tom Brady's favorite sport? Softball."
"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors It's just something I can see myself doing."
"*first date* Him: You have a very defined jawline. Me: Thanks! I chew a lot."
"We get it - ""Bacardi"" rhymes with ""party,"" ""bottle"" rhymes with ""model,"" and ""sex"" rhymes with ""text."" You rappers can stop rapping now."
"Where do Jewish kids with ADHD go for summer? Concentration camp."
"What's common between Canadians and Belgians? They're mostly really nice people, but they have the French living there too."