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Joke of the Day

"I walked into a disabled toilet It was autistic"

"The pollen count that's a difficult job! [Credit to Milton Jones]"

"Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to....unless you're in prison."

"The victim's body was found in the kitchen surrounded by eight empty boxes of cornflakes. Police suspect it was the work of a serial killer."

"I had to quit my job as a refurbished dildo salesman due to the recent influx of gay customers. Things have been pretty shitty lately."

"Treat your woman like a princess. Spice up your relationship & have her kidnapped. Then do mushrooms & swim through the sewers to find her."

"Why is NTFS healthy? Because it's FAT free."

"""Daddy, how do stars die?"" ""Drugs, normally."""

"There sure are a lot of hot Canadian chicks on Twitter....if I knew Canadian, I would totally hit on them."

"Mitch Hedberg R.I.P Buddy I was told to move because I was blocking the fire exit ... as if I wouldn't run if there was a fire ... anything flamable and has legs can't ever block a fire exit"