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Joke of the Day

"Today I just turned 17! That makes me over 3.55 x 10^14 years old."

"*jesus turns around to find only 11 apostles* ""WHO UNFOLLOWED ME"""

"There was a kidnapping in my school today. Thank god he woke up."

"Don't die a virgin. Seriously, there are terrorists up there waiting for you."

"There are 42 references to food in the Bible, nuts, crackers, and fruitcakes are some of the... people who believe in it."

"A snail was mugged by two turtles. When the police asked him what happened, he said ""I don't know. It all happened so fast."""

"ME: I can't find my sandals WIFE: did you look everywhere? ME: yes WIFE: even down ME: yes even dowI did not put those on"

"No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed..."

"What does a pediatrist do when you ask them which body part they find most interesting? They admit de feet."

"What do you call it when you forgot to use mouthwash, and it kills an otherwise pleasant evening? A ""no scope"""