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Joke of the Day

"What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar? I can't believe you just blew 50 bucks in there"

"Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep."

"ME[David Attenborough voice] Starting with the outer layers he'll devour the entire carcass HER: are you narrating yourself eating lasagna?"

"Why did Vladimir fall off his bike? He was rushin"

"Ask me why I'm bad at telling jokes - ""why are you bad at telling jokes?"" - ...oh wait. Shit! ughh ... I fucked it up."

"January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, Cucumber..."

"Most girls know what they're wearing next Halloween because they saw another girl wearing it last night."

"[adrift at sea] CLOWN: no worries, we can use this helium canister to propel us to shore ME: *really squeaky voice* we need a different plan"

"did you hear about the new tv crime drama? Criminal Mastermimes: the Silent Killers"

"Spent the day dressed as a bee, gently bumping myself against my neighbor's sliding-glass door. Got the hose twice."