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Joke of the Day

"Where does the king keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"Ever have sex while camping? It's fucking in tents!"

"I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist."

"i hate it when i eat a slice of bread and it grows into a bread tree in my stomach"

"I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math."

"Secret To Comedy Guy 1: Hey! Ask me ""What is is the secret to comedy?"" Guy 2: Okay ... What is the sec- Guy 1: TIMING!!! sorry if it sucks"

"My girlfriend knows I love pinball, so she uses just 3 words to let me know when it's sexy time. ""Lock is lit"""

"A quick joke... Yesterday I went drinking with the Russians. I almost died. Today I went drinking with some Serbians. I wish I had died yesterday... :D"

"I may be weird, but everyone needs a buddy who will show up at 2 a.m. and help get the dead zebra out of the septic tank without judging you"

"I was in the bank yesterday and all the money floated out of the vault and flew right out the door... It was a polterheist."