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Joke of the Day

"""You're never alone."": A phrase that's maybe cute to find in a love note, but horrifying to find smeared on a fogged up bathroom mirror."

"What do you call a fat chemistry professor? A significant figure."

"Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. "

"Twitter has no plot, millions of characters, & it never ends. Basically, it's a ""Hobbit"" movie."

"Rape jokes aren't funny... They're too forced."

"""The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"""

"I told my GF I was buying her some diamonds for her birthday. She said that nothing would please her more. So I got her nothing."

"What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch? -rated movies"

"Starbucks bathrooms are EXCLUSIVELY for terrible diarrhea, right?"

"I went to the zoo to see some wild animals, however they had only one animal It was a shitzu."