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Joke of the Day
"My mom bought a new vacuum, she says it really sucks."
Next Joke
"That's the last time I follow some dude into the woods just because he tells me he's a wizard."
"When a dating site tells me ""Someone new likes you!"" I get angry because I'm there to meet adults, not babies."
"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice"
"What do Nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles"
"What do you call Taylor Swift when she squats low? No ass to the grass"
"If laziness were an olympic discipline... ... I'd want to finish 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the medals podium..."
"How can a blind person tell if they're home? They check the architexture."
"Apparently my twitter session today has lasted 12 hours. I don't even miss my life anymore"
"[at a bar] *creepy dude is hitting on me* Me: you wanna get outta here? Him: yeah Me: cool. I would love it if you left."