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Joke of the Day

"Anytime a person with a journalism degree writes a story about a celebrity getting bangs, Walter Cronkite punches an angel."

"all of my friends are really happy and successful. i have no clean forks so i cut up a hot dog with my debit card"

"What do you call an isolated mystical forest creature? Gnome alone."

"If the State of the Union is really ""the best it's ever been"" Why do we ""need"" dozens of new government programs to fix it!"

"I really can't tell you what I'll be doing this time in 4 years... ... as I do not have 20/20 vision."

"Autocorrect: Without it you're fucked. And with it you're ducked."

"Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand..."

"[NSFW] What does a condom and a wife have in common? They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick."

"My company moved offices and wanted to transfer my job to northern Canada But I was having nunavut."

"How do you confuse a polish laborer? Lay down three shovels and tell him to take his pick."