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Joke of the Day

"When I was asked what my five year plan is I responded... I couldn't tell you, I only have 2020 vision. pm me if you want my address to come murder me in my sleep for this."

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"I like my women like I like my whiskey: Twelve years old and mixed with coke."
"I have a degree in Female's Studies."
"What is a hipster russian roulette? You got six cookies and five of them is gluten free."
"What do they do to dead scientists? They barium."
"[with father in law] ""You know how to pluck a goose, son?"" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*"
"Ugh, Amazon Prime takes two whole days for delivery. I wish there was a way I could buy things and get them immediately."
"How do you know if you're a bogan? You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in front of her kids."
"What is blonde and brown blonde and brown blonde and brown? Answer. Madonna doing cartwheels."
"What do you get when Philip Glass breaks? John Cage."
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