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Joke of the Day
"What happens after someone kills a joke? It goes to Valhaha."
Next Joke
"At this point my body would probably mistake a vegetable for a virus and try to attack it."
"There's no way Kat Von D knows when she's done showering."
"I had a beautiful pearl of wisdom to tweet but I dropped it on the ground and one of my dogs ate it. I should have it back in 12 hours or so"
"House arrest? You mean permission to excuse myself from social interaction? Oh no, judge. Please don't."
"Before the invention of the hose, firefighters had to put fires out with their fists."
"While deep-sea diving I was strangled by an octopus The whole experience was rather breathtaking."
"What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb? If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner."
"I got arrested at an airport. Apparently, airport security didn't like it when I called shotgun."
"What do Polar Bears eat for lunch? Ice Bergers."