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Joke of the Day

"It's so flat... It's so flat in North Dakota, you can watch your dog run away for two weeks."

"How To Get Rich: 1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson. 2. Empty it the next day. 3. Become a millionaire."

"If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it."

"Why was WWI so short? Because they were Russian... Why was WWII so long? They were Stalin..."

"It's only a matter of time before the casino realizes that baby I lost at the roulette table wasn't mine"

"Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman's hat on it is not the button for a free fireman's hat."

"My son, 15, DOES NOT KNOW the name of the street we've lived on for 7 years. We are taking him to the vet to get micro-chipped."

"Why can't you feel photons? Because they are light."

"I tried to read through Dante's Inferno once, but it was dry as hell."

"Why can't ghosts have babies? Because they have hollow-weenies!"