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Joke of the Day

"Turns out yelling ""I can see your package through those tights!"" gets you kicked out of a ballet."

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"Words to live by What doesn't kill you, isn't in Australia"
"What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business :D Edit: Sorry, I'm not sorry"
"Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone? Because eventually, its cover would be blown."
"How you can see if a blonde is telling bullshit? Her lips are moving."
"Someone Told me that Airplanes are the Safest Way to Travel... Now my friend has a Cessna in his living room..."
"The cashier at McDonald's was more than happy to warm up some Diet Coke for my baby's bottle."
"American beer and sex on a boat What do American beer and having sex on a boat have in common? They're both fucking close to water"
"Love how dog food commercials advertise tastier formulas like that matters when deciding what to buy & feed a pet who eats its own vomit."
"I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane."
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