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Joke of the Day

"The monkey at the zoo ruined my new shirt. I should have seen it coming."

"It's confusing for me too, but I don't need your money so you're going to have to be a nice guy if this is going to work out."

"So I decided to make some fan-fiction. My fan-fiction is about reality. I'm calling it The Bible."

"What percentage of the zombies are just chasing you down to tell you they're vegan?"

"I wanted to be a feminist for Halloween... ...but a fat suit is out of my budget."

"There are two types of girls; girls who are fat and girls who think they are fat."

"I met a guy who cross-bred insects... ...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks."

"I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea."

"I have a friend named Scott who still forwards chain emails. As soon as I figure out what to do w/ the body I'll be Scott-free."

"What does Jean Valjean use to listen to music? Cosettes."