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Joke of the Day

"A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border. The Ukrainian border guard asks, ""Name?"" The Russian answers, ""Boris."" The border guard asks, ""Occupation?"" The Russian says, ""No, just visiting."""

"I met an award winning farmer yesterday He was out standing in his field."

"It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed."

"son, you don't need to close your eyes, it's just a movie. the killer from the movie can still get you even if you're not watching it"

"[NSFW] What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut fucks everybody, a bitch fucks everybody but me."

"There is no way Siri could be a woman, she only speaks when she's spoken to."

"The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. ""It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope"" said Jose, age 6."

"Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns? Because they always take things literally."

"Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel"

"What did the man say to his penis when it offered him a fight? Come on then you *little squirt*!"