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Joke of the Day

"Just got a peek at Santa's naughty list! Amazingly, it's almost identical to my friends list. Can't believe some of the things you people have done!"

"I'm not sure if my foots been asleep for the last 3 days or if I have diabetes."

"Speed dating (Don't say anything embarrassing) ""So do you ever eat raisins and then later poop rehydrated grapes?"" (DAMMIT!)"

"What if all DJs decided at once to stop using the infamous air horn sound effect and started using the sound of an old man climbing stairs?"

"I like my women how I like my microwaves Cold on the inside and killing every baby you put into them."

"Did you blow bubbles as a kid? He's in town with the circus and wants you to call him."

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow? Give her a shovel!"

"How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? **None** *Let the bitch cook in the dark.*"

"We are getting up there in age And my wife said to me, ""My best attributes used to be my breasts, but they have been letting me down."""

"Donald Trump's tweets are actually really entertaining if you imagine him tweeting from a gold toilet while having violent diarrhea."