127920

Joke of the Day

"Just got a peek at Santa's naughty list! Amazingly, it's almost identical to my friends list. Can't believe some of the things you people have done!"

"Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago."

"Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because the farmer had cold hands"

"Starting chatting to a 14 year old girl online... Started chatting to a super sexy and flirty 14 year old girl online, and she just told me she's an undercover cop.... How fucking cool is that!"

"Why Can't I Find Out Anything About This Superb Owl #superbowl"

"My girlfriend said she was finishing with me because of my obssession with flowers. I said ""Where's all this stemming from, petal?"""

"My Grandpa said to me the other day, ""Your generation relies too much on technology"" I replied, "" no your generation relies too much on technology"" then I unplugged his life support. Stupid asshole"

"My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that's pretty cool"

"I was just minding my own, listening to some Led Zeppelin, and this girl asked if it was Nickelback and now there's so much blood everywhere"

"99% of my socks are single and you don't see them crying about it."