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Joke of the Day

"Things we can't say by color. Things a white person can't say: The ""N"" Word. Things a black person can say: ""Thanks for the warning officer."""

"""SANTA"" rearranged is ""SATAN""...I'm on to you fat man"

"What do you call a pirate's girlfriend? His soulmatey"

"Let's play a game: If you were stranded forever on a desert island and had only one book of Russian literature, how would you kill yourself?"

"My neighbor just threw out the biggest trash I have ever seen.. Boy, I will surely miss Mrs. Jones"

"Your mother walks into the bar It's ""the"" bar because she's so fat she's in every bar."

"Paris Hilton is worried ISIS will target her because she's famous. Paris Hilton doesn't realize that ISIS didn't exist in 2004."

"A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: ""Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live."" The man said: ""Can you do something for me?"" ""Yes,"" he said. ""I'll boil you an egg."""

"Sure he's handsome, funny, smart, charming and successful, but can he fit 54 M&M's in his mouth at once? I didn' fink fo"

"My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking."