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Joke of the Day

"People reckon I'm too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they're stupid)"

"Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes"

"Why is it hard to break up with a Star Trek fan? Because they are such Kling-ons."

"[jungle book] bagheera: ""you can't fight him like a wolf, you're NOT a wolf, fight him like a man"" mowgli: [writes a strongly worded e-mail]"

"If you love someone, poison them a little bit each day. If they don't suspect you at all, they might be the ONE."

"What do you call a cow abortion? De-calf"

"All I'm saying is no one ever country westerns you like a hurricane."

"Ever hear about the farmer who bought a tractor with no seat and no steering wheel? Apparently he lost his ass and had no place to go....."

"A candle is my girlfriend... She is very hot"

"I posed naked for a magazine today Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money :)"