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Joke of the Day
"[cocktail party] Me: [swirls brandy] Brandy: PUT ME DOWN"
Next Joke
"Seeing the leaves change in autumn always reminds me of my Grandpa. He died falling out of a tree too."
"why did the scarecrow get a promotion? he was outstanding in his field"
"Are these potato chips so much healthier b/c they're Baked? My brother is baked all the time, and he's got diabetes."
"At my age Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing."
"""I've turned over a new leaf"" ~ me explaining to the nissan salesman that I had an accident on the test drive"
"Give a man a fish... Give a man a fish and he'll throw it out and go to McDonald's. Teach a man to fish, and nope, still McDonald's."
"To the person who created the first ""Knock, Knock"" joke.... That person should totally have won the No Bell prize."
"I ate a sausage earlier, and it didn't taste very nice It was the wurst sausage I've ever eaten."
"Nascar Rain I think if NASCAR would quit being sponsored by the movie Noah we wouldn't have so much rain on race day :)"