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Joke of the Day
"If Spooning leads to Forking, what does Knifing lead to? Abortions."
Next Joke
"How come newspapers make so much money? Because they make money off Paper Views"
"If you don't open your mouth when you yawn, you're a monster. I'm serious. Let that demon go. You're freaking everybody out."
"I have a sweet parking spot at Target. I'm just going to sit here for the next 10 minutes with my reverse lights on, pissing people off."
"Soviet Valentine's Day You are the hammer to my sickle."
"""Son, I just wanted to let you know your adopted"" ""Are you kidding? Really?"" I shouted. ""Yup, get ready,"" he said. ""They'll be picking you up in about an hour."""
"If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher, where would you hide it?"
"Bill Gates went into an Apple store... Farted, and stank up the whole place. But it's their fault for not having Windows."
"Buying a new phone is basically being forced into a not so fun game of ""how long can I go without dropping it."" Same thing with babies."
"maybe babys cry bc theyve realized their potential for greatness decreases w/ each passing secomd until they die an old soul w/ lost dreams"