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Joke of the Day

"When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute. I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date."

"Why are horse-drawn carriages so unpopular? 'Cause horses are rubbish at drawing"

"When I see a door with the sign 'Door Alarmed' I always tell the door ""don't worry, it's only me"" ~ It's all about the empathy."

"To all those people who never finish what they start, I say..."

"OF COURSE IT'S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour."

"My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here."

"What do you call a hypocritical member of the church of Latter Day Saints? an oxy-mormon. or, all of them."

"Girl, are you some good weed? because you smell dank."

"Dating tip: if you want a girl to hold you tight, start pushing her off a cliff."

"I know almost 100 jokes about scales, but only 1 of them is good... All the rest are tareable"