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Joke of the Day

"Suicide gone wrong [CORNY] -Hey doc, so here's the thing, I felt really bad so I tried to kill myself with painkillers. -Seriously? And what happened? -After the first two, I felt much better."

"I don't think Twitter's real. I think I'm in a mall in 1987 listening to ""I Think We're Alone Now"" & my mind invented Twitter to protect me."

"I don't smoke, so I take ""screaming"" breaks at work."

"What is loud and sounds like ""apple""? (scream) APPLE!!!"

"What's the difference between a gun and a penis? One is used to kill brats, the other makes brats."

"I like to wear Grocery store uniforms and tell homeless people that I'm there to repo the shopping cart."

"The whole thing about ""we're all going to die some day,"" that's a joke, right?"

"Don't send me a face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked."

"Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play ""Cowboys and Indians."" Democrats don't either as long as the Indians win."

"What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope."