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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you play a country song backwards? You house back, your wife back, your dog back, your truck back..."

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"""Can I watch you open it?"" -Weird UPS guy"
"Why didn't the astronauts land on the moon? Because it was full. * (from a taffy taffy wrapper--oh my god what am I doing with my life)"
"what does the Jewish pedophile say to an elementary school kid? Hey kid, want to buy some candy?"
"Little could our great-grandparents have imagined how many dicks and tits we'd all see in our lifetimes."
"I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest."
"[In elevator] Penguin: what floor do you want? Man: 5th please. *penguin accidentally slaps all the buttons with his fin*"
"Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today...finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it."
"Ancient Chinese proverb say man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day"
"""OMG I'm so wet right now"" - Me after washing a spoon"
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