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Joke of the Day

"Sad news from the Nestle chocolate factory. A man was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolate. Apparently every time he shouted: ""The Milky Bars are on me!"" his workmates just cheered."

"My signature move is being a complete idiot trying to convince someone that I'm not drink. Drank. Drunk."

"Oh, you hate when guys stare at your boobs? You should call the police and report the person who ripped your top three buttons open then."

"Doctor will I be able to play piano after the procedure? Doctor: Yes, I don't see why not. Patient: That's wonderful I could never play piano before!"

"3 - DAD! HEY DAD! Me: Don't yell from the door son! Walk here and talk to me 3 - *walks over* 3 - I stepped in dog poop, what should I do?"

"F*ck nudes. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet. I need to know what kind of psycho I'm dealing with."

"If I committed suicide, I'd do it in front of a mirror... I'll see myself out."

"How does a booze thief make you feel better? He lifts your spirits."

"An Irish guy walks into a bar... A few hours later he goes home and beats his wife into a coma."

"in hell your cat can talk and he openly judges you for everything he saw you doing when you were home alone"