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Joke of the Day

"My vocabulary can beat your vocabulary's ass, arse, bum, buttocks, rear end, booty, backside, tush, tuckus and badonkadonk."

"Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!"

"THIS IS THE COPS. WE KNOW YOU HAVE NWA'S ""FU*CK THE POLICE"" ON REPEAT IN THERE. COME OUT & SAY SORRY TO OFFICER DAVIS. YOU MADE HIM CRY DUDE"

"""would u like some dessert?"" i ask the moose head above the fireplace ""no thanks im stuffed"" i reply, in a slightly deeper voice"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not yelling and screaming, like the passengers in his car."

"FRIEND: haha she's so cutesay it for him honey HER TODDLER: the moon is cheeeeese ME: well what have we here, a tiny liar"

"How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke? Three times - Once when you tell it, once when you explain it, and once when she gets it."

"A little bit of me dies every time I see one of you post a quote that you obviously don't actually live by."

"Jokes on Me - Said Djoke's girlfriend."

"""Actually I have a lot of secs"" is apparently not the right answer to ""Do you have a sec?"""