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Joke of the Day

"Remember: It's not stalking if you don't see me."

"I used to date an anaesthetist... She was a local girl. [credit to seeing this on QI]"

"I want to become an artist I heard there's a lot of monet in that business"

"Boy: My love for you is like counting the stars.. Girl: Oww, Infinite? Boy: Nope, Pointless .."

"Why did the guy from Brooklyn cross the road? None of your f**king business."

"[sliding $5 to the zookeeper] Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?"

"Policeman: Didn't you see the signs with the speed limit? Driver: I thought they were just suggestions."

"why didnt natalie wood take a shower on the boat? she wanted to wash up on shore..."

"I messed up planning my New Year's party I guess you could say I dropped the ball."

"What do you call a German who doesn't eat meat? A Veget-Aryan"