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Joke of the Day

"The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston. ""Houston, we have a problem."" *""What is it?""* ""Never mind."" *""What's the problem?""* ""It's nothing."" *""Please tell us.""* ""I'm fine."""

"I went to subway today, and they gave me the wrong sandwich oops, wrong sub."

"I talked to San Andreas about the earthquake yesterday. He said it wasn't his fault."

"Just got every hair on my body waxed off except eyebrows and head. I look like a naked mole rat. Men, come & get me if you're into rodents."

"Feel like Woods household right now is a bunch of people brainstorming, ""what is any other plausible reason for this accident?"""

"Women on twitter tell me my beard is hot Women in real life tell me where I can find food and shelter ."

"i'm going to sell a drink called ""responsibly"" so after every liquor ad when they say ""drink responsibly"" hey free advertising boom i win"

"[Spoiler] Mark Hamill Star Wars joke Mark Hamill is such a loser he didn't even get a single word in the new Star Wars"

"How do you get out of an elephant? Q: How do you get out of an elephant? A: Turn around and around until you get all pooped out. (5 yo humor never gets old)"

"I suggested a threesome to my girlfriend. ""That's fine,"" she said, ""Just not with another girl."" ""OK then, I'll call up James and Daniel."" I replied."