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Joke of the Day

"The English language lacks a word to mean ""To make a spouse feel uncomfortable by aggressively cleaning the house around them""."

"What do you do if you get a peanut stuck in your ear ? Pour in a little chocolate and it comes out a treat."

"I won $3 million on the Lottery this weekend. I decided to donate a quarter of it to Charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75 and she has $.25"

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is taco ME: four please JUDGE: we're not- ME: with chips JUDGE: ordering ME: *lips on mic* extra guac"

"Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best"

"Why are 25 of the 26 letters in the English alphabet problematic to Jewish people? Because they're not C's."

"My sister had a threesome with two huge pornstars. Now she's not sure if she had a good time or not. Truth is, she's a little torn."

"I can't wait for the stage of capitalism where we have to watch a 15 second advertisement before we remember a memory."

"What do you call a religious owl? A bird of pray."

"What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison? A small medium at large"