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Joke of the Day

"In Russia they don't have Netflix, they have Njetflix."

"Doctor: ""I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating."" Me: ""Oh no! Why doctor?"" Doctor: ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"Based on the number of nurses on twitter, I now know why I'm bleeding to death in the ER."

"I need some white people jokes. I was talking with some guys at work and came to find that we are all disappointed at the lack of white people joke we know, so let hear what you've got."

"What do you call a fight between two dairy products? A fromage fray."

"Why was the women unable to leave the boutique? She couldn't find the Dior"

"What's the worst aspect about Calculus teachers? They always go off on tangents in class."

"Did you hear about the man who was sexually attracted to cars? He had an auto-erotic affixation."

"Why don't plumbers ride bikes? Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack"

"Me to waitress: Do you validate? Waitress: Parking, you mean? Me: No. Like, can I read you some tweets and you tell me if you like them?"