122030

Joke of the Day

"My ex-girlfriend often told me to stop being so competitive. Like I was ever going to let her come first."

"Is William Shatner the past version of William Shitner?"

"Why did Jesus fall on the side of the road? Because he was crossed."

"Wife: Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! Me: Haha funny. [under the mattress] Bed Bug King: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL *tiny drums bang*"

"If Sesame Street were real, and I went there, and I saw those things, I would shit my pants."

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy bear."

"If you woke up in the woods with your pants around your ankles and vaselene all over your ass, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping this weekend?"

"Chuck Norris actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him."

"""Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?"" *throws pineapple against grocery store wall* ""Ah nuts that was a good one."""

"My wife is an archaeologist I met her at a dig site, we carbon dated for a while and the rest is history."