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Joke of the Day

"Scientists use dead bodies? Jesus, I know they're nerds but they should still be able to make living friends."

"I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."

"I keep a chalk outline of myself drawn outside my house so any murderers think, ""dang, someone's already got the murdering covered here"""

"What did the blind fortune teller tell his customer i can see your future (I'm not sure if this has been posted already)"

"Why was the blonde crawling on the ground in the shop? She was trying to find the lowest prices"

"got kicked out of cub scouts as a kid... for eating a brownie..."

"I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev from a company called You Crane."

"""That's what."" -She"

"I like the song ""I want to be a billionaire"" because it's about a millionaire wanting to be 1000 times richer. Sweet."

"How do depressed people lighten' up? They drink bleach."