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Joke of the Day

"Use conditioner... Shampoo burns (;"

"Maybe being fat isn't bad, it just sounds awful because we say 'morbidly obese'. Let's switch it to 'cheerfully obese' and see what happens."

"4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant. I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said: ""I never want to do that again."""

"I finally decided I want to be a car mechanic. Guess it just took some motor-vation."

"Why is New Jersey called the Garden State? Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house."

"My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding."

"The world has become so politically correct these days... ...that you can't say black paint anymore... You have to say ""Tyrone, please paint my fence."""

"She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing food at her."

"What's the difference between au jus and a jew? Au jus is boiled but a jew is baked."

"Behind every great man is a great woman... A in-between them is a wife that's always complaining."