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Joke of the Day

"The Bible Belt - the land where you pretend not to recognize each other in the liquor store."

"When I was 13 I prayed to God to lengthen my penis by 1"". I think I made him angry. Either that or the Olympian Gods answered my prayer."

"If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.' Edit: better grammar/phrasing."

"Just ordered wonton soup Hope my apartment can hold the weight"

"90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running."

"Look. If we're going with redundancies like ""tunafish"", I'll just have my beefmeat and be done with it."

"[DEATH ROW] WARDEN: Last meal? CON: Just a glass of lemonade please *Drinks lemonade/Burps* WARDEN: Pardon [CON WALKS FREE] W: SHIT"

"An alligator decided to have unprotected sex... Now he has Gatorades."

"I would like to work as a janitor in Microsoft. I could see myself excel in that job."

"I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years. I'm blind"