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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a modified practice amongst border security workers? A custom custom custom."

"Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*"

"I hate being bi-polar... It's awesome!"

"Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'? Now you have to say ""Jamaal can you please paint the fence""."

"About to hit the ball Boss: you said you'd played before? Me: uh yes Boss: that's a putter Me: Is that wrong? Boss: wrong for squash yes"

"Apple Computer is taking steps to protect user privacy. Their new policy is iWon't tell...iPromise"

"My phone got arrested today... It was charged with battery."

"I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white."

"Just found out I've been eating women's energy bars for the past few months. No side effects except making 30% less money than I used to"

"I like to sneak into people's houses and masturbate in their livingroom. ...so far no ones heard me cumming."