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Joke of the Day

"Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking? Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that's not tied in a knot*"

"What does a pirate with back spasms say? Shiver me lumbars."

"What are the advantages to living in Switzerland? Their flag is a big plus."

"Irritating An irritating friend took a drink from my wife's beer and said, ""Ha,Ha, this is one step from kissing your wife!"" ""Yes it is,"" I replied, ""and two steps from sucking my dick."""

"Jobs: You Need To Have Your BA *got BA Jobs: you need 5yrs experience *5years later Jobs: You need a MA *Got MA Jobs: we need some1 young"

"Advice from gay people. Never take tips from gay people, because you might get shafted. Disclosure: Am not homophobic!"

"Soft on Wall Street. Hard on Sesame Street. Romney 2012."

"Q: How do astronomers organize a party? A: They planet Insert death threats below"

"Hey you guys! Are you all right? NO YOU'RE ALL LEFT! :D"

"His dick is like shopping for food at whole foods. It doesn't matter how much I get, or when I get it. I always feel fucked."