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Joke of the Day

"If I untagged myself in your Facebook picture that had nothing to do with me, please consider it as a polite fcuk you."

"She was a fax machine She kept her modem clean She was the best damn printer that I've ever seen"

"My problem with McDonalds is I can't go retrieve my kids in the play tubes because I can't fit in the play tubes because I eat at McDonalds."

"Call it a hunch... But I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine."

"stadium announcer: ""STADIUM!"""

"What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !"

"Why do Americans drink their tea cold? Because it takes too long to boil Boston Harbor."

"BREAKING: DirecTV subscribers lose The Weather Channel over fee dispute. Luckily, subscribers will keep windows, which they can look out of."

"A wife asks her newfie husband to stop by the grocery store on the way home... She tells him, ""pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen"" He comes home later with 12 loaves of bread"

"me: *tries to befriend another human being* another human being: oh, no thank you"