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Joke of the Day

"Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding.. First guys asks ""What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"" Second fella says ""A kilt of course!"" First fella ""What's the tartin?"" ""She's wearing white"" says his pal"

"Takeoffs are optional... Landings are mandatory"

"Sometimes, I look at the kids of today and think, ""Thank god I'll be dead by the time you grow up."""

"My middle finger gets a boner whenever I think of you."

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"My daughter doesn't know I put the last pudding cup in her lunch earlier this evening, so she won't know I took it out and am eating it now."

"What do you call white people on a bench? The NBA"

"Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever."

"Remember not to laugh at your ex wife's choices. You were one of them."

"What did one orphan say to the other? ""Get in the Batmobile Robin."""