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Joke of the Day
"So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper"
Next Joke
"Death hack: bury your loved ones with their fitness trackers for a low-cost early zombie alert system."
"I'm gonna be honest with you... Particle accelerators give me a hadron."
"My tablet burned me today after I installed Tinder on my Kindle Fire."
"I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn't tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies."
"A dog and a cat walk into a bar. One starts licking its ass and the other says ""Two can play that game!"" They forget about drinks."
"What was the old man in despair about? Nothing."
"*breaks into your house at night* *finds your bedroom* *blows on you til you wake up* HI I'M CHET CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A SECURITY SYSTEM?"
"What's the worst kind of tea? Emptea!"
"Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me? Mother: Probably dear. I still have all of mine."