119718

Joke of the Day

"Him: You drank all that Coke? Me: Well, with my rum.. Him: ... Me: ... Me: How many beers did you have today? Him: Good talk, honey."

"Why did the pharaoh retire? Because he did not want to be part of a pyramid scheme"

"What's a bear's favorite kind of treasure? Bearied."

"A bear walks into a bar.. *Goes up to the bartender* Bear: ""Hi, I'd like a gin...................and tonic."" Bartender: ""Sure, but what's with the big pause?"" *bear looks at own paws*"

"Which celebrity is great at creating probate documents? Will Smith"

"What's black and white black and white black and white? A nun rolling down a hill."

"You should know you'll get loud when you start drinking. It says right there on the label, ""Alcohol by volume."""

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 189,463 times, you're the editor of HuffPo."

"That awkward moment when your phone auto-corrects ""I wanna do it"" to ""I wanna donut"" because it knows you're fat."

"I'm offended by the phrase ""Blood Drive."" I think it's too violent; they should rename it ""Plasma-thon."""