119431

Joke of the Day

"Kylo: I need an N to finish my favorite Vader quote. Han: This is SpaghettiOs, not Alphabet Soup. Kylo: Great. Now Vader says, ""OOOOOOOO!"""

"Dad owl: I'm dying so I need you to look after things. I'm going to give you- Son owl: Don't say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]"

"Why did Sean Connery say he quit his mall Santa job? I got tired of all the kids asking to shit on my lap."

"So I slept with a blind girl last night. She mentioned how big I was down there. I replied, 'you're pulling my leg!'"

"What do you call a bunch of gay slaves? Fruits of labor."

"I was fired after falling asleep on personal documents. Apparently you can't lie on your resume."

"If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja."

"My grandpa would always tell me ""You're my favorite granddaughter"" I was his only granddaughter."

"A man was arrested for taking drugs in the UAE He got stoned..."

"Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet I probably wouldnt: I'm not that smart and people are already mad at me from other stuff I did"